The jealous girl friend.

That's girl friend, not girlfriend. My experience so far with every close friend who's gotten into a relationship has been less than rosy. I'm not annoyed that they have a boyfriend and I don't, I'm annoyed that my status as a girl friend gets shafted so painfully obviously it's like I'm in a second-class friendship.

I don't intend for this to be a hater/rant post and I'm not doing a "bros before hos"/"chicks before dicks" spiel either because I get that priorities drastically change when you're in a serious relationship. I'm fine with not seeing and hanging out with my friends as much as before, and I'm also fine with seeing and hanging out with them and their significant other together. I'm amiable. When I don't like the boyfriend, I can still be civil. Whatever makes my girls happy, I'm cool with. What grates me is how the new relationship totally encroaches on and changes the dynamics of my (much longer) girl friendship, and not for the better. And in that respect I feel like I have a legitimate bone to pick, if only to remind myself not to do the same in the future. So here goes.

Even disregarding third-wheeling and outright ditching, what little girls-only time I do get is always in the shadow of the invisible but palpable presence of the Boyfriend. This is totally fine when I actually have an interest in interrogating my friend on the latest developments of a crush or budding romance, but the fun kind of wanes significantly after they start going steady and I'm still going out to lunches where the sole purpose is to discuss said relationship and all its wonderful and not so wonderful moments.

I get that as a good friend I'm supposed to listen to these things that are important to my friend's life, but when it's seriously the only thing I get to listen to? It's a drag, frankly. Half the time I'm agreeing and aww-ing over how lovely everything is (and I am genuinely giddy and happy for them if they keep the circle jerk under 15 minutes), and the other half I'm listening to all their problems and giving out advice I'm pulling out of my ass because I sure am in a position to be sharing my wisdom and experience.

I sometimes wonder if the reason why I'm suddenly faced with this onslaught of couply-topics from my girl friends who are girlfriends is because our previous conversations revolved so much around Being Single, Boy Crazing and Boy Hating, and now that one of us isn't single well, that strikes a lot of that commonality out. That's actually a really depressing thought. I would hate to think that my closest female friendships are all heavily founded on interest in the opposite sex like some awful chick flick. I don't think that they are, and I don't think that I would feel any better if I also had a boyfriend because even though that would even out the grounds of conversation, the last thing I want is to be exchanging and comparing nauseating couply pieces of information.

The fact remains that I am single, of course, which makes it infinitely worse. Because somewhere in the tedious, one-sided lunch we're having, the conversation always, always takes a turn for the worse when we're finally done talking about my friend's happening love life and inevitably turn to my non-existent one. The question never fails to come up to facilitate this cringe-worthy change.

"So, what about you? Anything?"

And then I have to sit there like a lame duck saying no, or mention some hot guy I saw on a poster who was totally looking at me. The worst part is the way they ask that question. It's the same tone you'd use if you found out someone's pet cat just died, I'm not kidding. There's all this concern, like I'm sorry you're missing out but don't worry, something will happen soon. You'll fulfill your end goal in life in nabbing a man and you won't be sad like I used to be anymore.

FUCK'S SAKE.

All I'd like is for them to sometimes -not even every time, but sometimes -separate their individual self from their couple self, and come out to lunch as the former. Can we talk about that TV show, or that awesome book, or the plays I'm thinking of directing, things I've been writing, my summer in France, your last year in London? Maybe I am completely unenlightened about the bubble of love that completely envelops one in bliss, but is that really so hard to do? Do guys also exclusively talk about girls when they're single (I know this bit is true) and girlfriends when they're not? Fuck it, next time just invite me out for a menage-a-trois.