FRANCE IN TWO DAYS.

MUST PACK LIKE BAT OUT OF HELL.

OMGOMGOMG.

Project Old Hollywood: The Harder They Fall

I am light years behind on my classic movie viewing and reviewing due to laziness and having found an unpaid position of literary research and archiving for a writer. I am under a confidentiality agreement not to reveal anything but suffice it to say the English nerd in me is busy drooling over Important Writers. As a side note, one of the volunteers looks uncannily like my mother even though we're the same age -I mean ridiculously so, from physical appearance to the way she sits, walks, her mannerisms, her general aura. It's really psyching me out. But I digress.

I must have seen The Harder They Fall practically three weeks ago so it's not fresh in my mind anymore but I'll do my best. This was my first Humphrey Bogart film and his last before he died. I don't know whether to call that ironic or not but it's a neat parallel no?

Summary: The basic story of this film noir revolves around corruption in boxing. Bogart plays a sports journalist who tries to revive his career by working with a bunch of crooks to promote a new boxer from Argentina called Toro Moreno, whose enormous physical size is completely offset by his utter lack of skill. Shady fights, manly angst and moral dilemmaz ensue. When recounting my experience of this film I seem to naturally gravitate towards my gripes -not to say that I didn't like it, but it wasn't mind-blowing or anything.

Gripe #1: Poor acting and awkward scripting

This mostly applies to Mike Lane, who plays Toro. As far as I can tell, he was cast purely for his appearance and size, so I guess you can't blame the poor guy for delivering his lines like Tommy Wiseau. My friend defended his wooden portrayal on the grounds that that was how his character was meant to be -thick and bovine. Toro. Get it? But to borrow some wisdom from Tropic Thunder, you don't go "full retarded." And like Mark Waters noted about it taking a nice girl to play a mean one, it takes someone intelligent to play someone dumb. That's why it's called acting.

Gripe #2: Bogart and Sterling

I get that in this "manly" film it would be foolish of me to expect a strong female role, but my main problem with Jan Sterling's character Beth Willis, even as an undeveloped side-dish, is the utter lack of chemistry between her and Bogart's Eddie Willis. They are completely unconvincing as a couple, let alone supposedly loving husband and wife, which makes all the drama surrounding their relationship hard to get into. I'll give her credit for sassing out the head crook Nick Benko (played by Rod Steiger) in one scene though. Which leads to the one thing I consistently enjoyed:

Rod Steiger

Okay, so he may have had it easy playing Asshole-In-Charge Nick Benko, but he got some darn good ranty and oh-snap lines and delivered them at lightning screwball-comedy speed, and was in general a fabulous Angry and Stressed Man archetype that kept me entertained. Besides him, the one other thing you should watch this film for is the Toro Bus which I can't find a picture of but just know that it's amazingly camp.

Coming next: Bonnie and Clyde

"Epicurean wisdom has a melancholy backdrop: flung into the world's misery, man sees that the only clear and reliable value is the pleasure, however paltry, that he can feel for himself: a gulp of cool water, a look at the sky (at God's window), a caress."

- Milan Kundera, Slowness

To that I would like to add: a gig with friends, a day off work, a 6km walk, a nectarine.

Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock

I'm on a post-midnight movie binge these days, in addition to and as a counterbalance to my trips through the past with the classics. I think I deliberately wait until a ridiculous hour to justify selecting a mainstream blockbuster that I can veg out to in bed. I don't even mean that in a snotty way, because all the movies so far -Inglourious Basterds,The Frog Princess -have been darn excellent. I'm just catching up on the buzz from months ago, that's all. I'll admit that my mouse has maneuvered towards and away from clicking Valentine's Day several times, but I do have some standards, still.

My latest late night viewing was In The Loop, which is somewhat an anomaly considering I'd only heard of it once on the gossip forum I frequent (what? at least it's not Perez) and it didn't generate any buzz here in North America, though it was nominated for an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay.

The political satire on the behind-the-scenes madness between the British and US government's fangled negotiations, miscommunications and decisions over starting a war in the Middle East contains everything I love about British comedy a la The Office -deglamourised docu-drama with a healthy dose (i.e. excessive) of swearing in amazing accents and deliveries, and most of all, as evidenced in the trailer, CHOICE, GOLDEN QUOTES. By that I don't mean dialogue that's all look-at-me-I'm-soooo-clever-and-trippy (I'm looking at you, Diablo Cody), but lines that are actually convincing and hilarious.

See what I mean? Tom Hollander (Mr. Collins in the film version of Pride and Prejudice!) is almost reminiscent of Ricky Gervais in The Office, and Peter Capaldi (Sid's dad in Skins!) is my anti-hero of all losery bully anti-heros and second favourite Scotsman after Craig Ferguson (suck it, Gerald Butler).

This is a government department, not some fucking Jane Austen novel.

Seriously, IR nerd or not, do yourself a favour and get on this. Then check out the TV show it's based on, The Thick of It, which I am searching up this very moment. And on that note I'll have to say, "Fuckity-bye-bye, then."

Summer baking

An ongoing/on-off project

Still on my detour: Micmacs à tire-l'arigot

I promise I will get back to those old Hollywoods (I started Roman Holiday) but continuing my French streak, I went to an advanced screening of Jean-Pierre Jeunet's new film at the Varsity a few days ago. Having seen and loved his quintessential Amelie and darker creation Delicatessen, I was understandably excited about Micmacs à tire-l'arigot, which translates into "madness all around."

Dany Boon plays protagonist Bazil, an unremarkable video store worker who memorises entire scenes of dialogue from movies. Caught as collateral damage in a freak shoot-out one night, he ends up losing his home and job and finds himself on the streets scraping by. When he discovers that the landmine that killed his father and the bullet lodged in his own head are respectively manufactured by rival arms companies, he plots revenge on both with a group of zany comrades who also lie on the margins of society. Think Ocean's Eleven, circus-style (there's even a contortionist). But instead of slick suits, high-tech gadgets and Clooney coolness, these ragamuffins get by on street-smarts and creative inventions made of scrap. Most importantly, they have the time of their life doing it, and their childlike glee is infectious.

The best thing to be said about Micmacs is that it is a funny, funny film -a rare compliment for most summer flicks that are blatantly marketed as "comedy." The mischievous ensemble cast are absolutely delightful and the overarching satire on arms trade and procurement is more refreshingly portrayed than Iron Man 2's run of the mill "oh noes evil privatised weapon manufacturers appropriating the army" spiel. Although there are some awkwardly placed moralising moments towards the end of the film, these are largely eclipsed by the master prank of epic proportions which leaves the credits rolling on a high note. It's not even a spoiler to say there's a happy ending by the way, because it is exactly Jeunet's world of dusty palettes and carnival music where you know shit's gonna go down for the bad guys and everything works out for the good ones.

Bjork at MOMA's "The Artist is Present"

Woman, dost thou not age???

I also kind of want to pinch her cheeks.