Only at a college New Year's Eve house party do you:
- Find yourself drinking from a measuring beaker because all the glasses and mugs are being used as ashtrays.
- Find yourself singing along with an entire room to "I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
- Talk your friend out of going upstairs and doing a second um, snort
- Find yourself feeling like Winona Ryder in Black Swan aka resenting all the 18 year old first years who can afford to do hard drugs and still look young and flawless
- Find yourself drinking champagne from the bottle
- Think the DJ cloned himself/has a twin because suddenly there are two of them
- Find yourself being talked to/at by a guy seriously rolling about the unacceptable misogyny at the college
- Find yourself being talked to by another guy who is also rolling about how he sees tunnels when he closes his eyes and that time he cried watching John Malkovich's performance in some Arthur Miller play
- Find yourself constantly checking the time because it feels like hours have passed but it's only been 5 minutes and you're exhausted already and those DJs are creeping you out and you feel like an old lady and wish it was bedtime
- Find yourself in bed at 4am
