Post-grad Optimism.

A: Damn people with futures.

Me: Hey, we'll have futures too!

A: Yeah, in McDonald's.

Me: If you end up in McDonald's I'm going to be the hobo standing outside McDonald's.

Heroin chic.

I finally figured out the needle-looking tracks on my arms are in fact poison ivy rashes that I probably got from wading through the mountains looking for my grandma's grave (not even exaggerating).....fack on a flying fuck. So of course I did the sensible thing and started Googling everything about it, finding gems of valuable information:

"The oil from poison ivy is extremely stable and will stay potent -essentially forever."

THANKS, POISON-IVY.ORG. And no thanks, I do not want to view your "rash slide show."