I return with furry creature in tow.

While this blog has very much been "en hold", life, contrary to my expectations, has not. You know it's a good sign when you're too busy to spend time on the internet....not that that's entirely been the case, but let's just say the reason I've been MIA for 3 months here is because there's been too much to update as opposed to too little or nothing. Yes, while I fully expected this to be the summer of idleness to conquer the wiling hours of all other confused graduates also embarking on ambiguous gap years, things have surprisingly been on a roll.

I always hesitate to celebrate these kinds of moments because I have a Protestant's suspicion of happiness.
I'm sitting here in a new apartment with an iPhone (hey, I was previously using a phone where I couldn't hear people on the other end) on the desk and a cat curled up on my bed wondering,  how did this happen?? When did I start remotely resembling that thing you call an Adult? At this point you probably think I have really low expectations of what the "adult's" life looks like, but that's it for me. That's the "young professional" image I have in my head. Apartment + Cat + Single Girl = Young Professional.

Oh, I guess Job should also be in that equation somewhere, which I do have covered as well. Two of them --one is a little soul sucking and the other places me back in the vicinity of the college and around keen eyed first years who make me feel like a once beautiful washed-up trophy wife, but hey! The important part is that both gigs allow me to chase the ultimate lofty goal. Which I also like to think I am inching towards slowly, at snail's pace with stars still in my eyes (how is possible to be so extremely cynical and idealistic?) and not much of a backup plan, but the drive is there and I'm realising more that that's the feeling that counts.

It's funny how things sometimes work out in a way that's completely opposite to what you planned, and you feel like you should fight them but then you realise they're just as great. I had planned to spend a year in la belle France....then that got downgraded to making the move to Montreal....and then it turned out to be just moving out a few blocks north, and even working back at the college. Towards the end of my last year at uni I was so clueless  and scared shitless about what was next --even in terms of what I wanted to be next --that the only thing I could say for no real reason was that I had to leave Toronto, if not Canada...just for the sake of change itself. And then I graduated, and realised how much I loved Toronto and how much it had become home without me realising. Everything I had hated about it was to do with the stress of school, and now that it was over....that just left the city and the people I know here. And they're all pretty damn great.

Sometimes I read back on my old journal entries and am shocked at how miserable  I was. Even now I still remain wary of feeling too happy because with every high point there's a downhill, and to me that's not pessimism, it's keeping things in perspective and avoiding arrogance and complacency. But I guess right now this moment, I can concede that I'm feeling more than just okay.